Good vs. Evil

Between the two of us, Jenny and I have seen a lot of crazy things in this city we call "the Big Apple" (sidenote: I always thought that nickname was pretty weird....). Not very many things can compare to the absurdity that we encountered last night.

Let me backtrack:
Because J and I have both been blessed with the ability to make friends easily we tend to meet a few new people every audition to add to our social circle. So, J made plans for us to meet up with her friend K who she met at the Hairspray call about a month ago and K's friend. We let the other ladies choose the dinner location since we don't know any restaurants yet and they have been living here a while longer. K suggests a place called Jekyll and Hyde Restaurant in the theater district. Now, J and I share the distaste of cheesy "theatrical" amusement shows and low brow dinner entertainment so we heartily discouraged the decision to go to this restaurant. We threw out several different options for good (and inexpensive) places for dinner. K insisted that we go to Jekyll and Hyde. Alright then....

We step through a pair of doors guarded by a few scarecrows and a security guard dressed to fit the general decor of the door. He "allows" us to pass and we meet a friendly man with a feather duster haphazardly placed in the collar of his suit, sticking out and looking a bit like an exploding neck goiter. We wait in a little entryway that looks a bit like the elevator in the Disneyland Haunted Mansion, only smaller, where J proceeds to distinctively outfunny the man who recieved his equity card for working in the restaurant. *This enforces the fact that having your equity card does not necessarily mean you are good- wait for more examples.

We finally "earn the right to pass" when J tells *feather-duster-goiter-man that she will have to pee on his lovely shoes if he does not let us in. So we step into a magical restaurant that looks about 3 notches above a Chucky Cheese restaurant. There are children in almost every booth except ours (and we all know how much J loves the kiddies!) and the fixtures on the wall talk to the people eating. The coolest (and sometimes worst) thing about this restaurant is that the actors who work there control the voices of the various moving statues and wall decorations and they improv lines constantly throughout the night.

The food was very good (and ended up being very expensive). Our waitress was cheerful and fun-- not an actress, surprisingly. And during the course of the night we heard a *gargoil make jokes about the Wii and ridicule some 10 year old boys and sing Kumbaya (that was hilarious actually), spoke with a wandering *gypsy who jingled when she walked, were publicly hit on by *feather-duster-goiter-man, endured an *evil scientist's boogy oogie dance, and finally, a *waiter started dancing/humping J's and K friend's chairs. ooo....... Evil.

Then we went to Starbucks and bought a cookie. mmmm...... Good.

~B

Ohio, Denver, and all that lies in between...so, like, Missouri?

I'm not dead! The children did not, in fact, kill me and I can officially say that I have survived my first "tour." There is much to tell you, so I'll break it down by giving you lists of things I learned.

Ohio and the Tour

1. I love living out of a suitcase.

2. Children's tours = a group of 20 somethings set free with daily money and nothing to do.

3. Pregnant men live in the Wal-Mart in Ohio.

4. I hate the Wal-Mart in Ohio.

5. 23 years of watching my Mom (the greatest teacher in the known world) do her thing was not lost on me. I can quiet a group of 40 students in seconds-yay!

6. Zip-Zap-Zop is not a good game for 40 students - yikes.

7. Beer Pong is a funny game. To think I got through 4 years at CU ( at that time America's #1 party school) to play it my first time in the Hampton Inn in Newark, OH is...hilarious...and embarassing...and hilarious.

8. You Tube is the greatest. Sit down with a group of friends and let everyone show their favorite video. This was what we did every night and it was wonderful. Highlights: Muffins and a video called the "Puppet Master" in which Elijah Wood teaches children to do his favorite dance...stick with it, it grows on you.

Denver and the Wedding

1. I am officially old. Someone I met in the dorms is now married.

2. Coloradans walk slow. I found myself shouting, "Walk left, stand right" on those moving walkways at the airport.

3. Indoor Skydiving is hilarious. They make you float and spin around in the air while wearing a pretty pink outfit.

4. Sitting in a different room than the bride and groom at the reception is weird, especially when they are pretty much the only people you know.

5. I love Denver, but I don't actually miss it, just the people there.

6. The fact that my parents are moving to Hawaii does not make me sad. It was really, REALLY cold in Denver
it really, REALLY cold in NY...a girl's got to catch a break somewhere!

I'm the one on the far right...in the pink.

Airports in General

1. Walk left, stand right. Seriously.

2. Nobody cares about how awesome the black diamond skiing was at 12:55 am...we just want to get on the damn plane so stop trying to talk to us.

3. Never, ever, ever wear a pink jacket with mismatched pink socks and shoes while talking on your pink cell phone...everyone will hate you.

4. Never, ever, ever wear one of those crunchy synthetic jackets on the plane that makes all that noise every time you move...I will hate you.

5. Delay's suck.

6. Getting bumped up to first class due to your delay is awesome.

7. There is absolutely no way to be comfortable in an airplane seat, first class or not.

8. My life is awesome. After hearing the woman on the pink phone (you remember her from above) talk (with her one tooth) about familial conspiracies to kill her, I thought, "My life does not suck. Not even one bit. Even when it sucks, it's not that bad."

Unfortunately folks, I have to end this one on a bit of a sad note, but one we've all had to deal with.

I just want to take a moment to say goodbye to a little dude who was my best friend for nearly 20 years. Thanks for everything, buddy. After years of barbies, getting dressed up in baby clothes, hundreds of songs sung to you whether you wanted them or not, thousands of tears, millions of laughs, and a lifetime lived together, it's time to say goodbye. I love you and I'll miss you. Bye-bye, Mr. Norman.

-J

Who needs knees??

I went to my first official dance call for the Hairspray Nat'l Tour this week and felt like the only one who did not already know the entire combination. Apparently, they re-use the same dance combo (as seen in the Broadway production) every audition, so they don't see the need to actually "teach" the combination.... So I didn't get a callback, but I will be the expert next time around.

Then a couple days ago I went to a dance call for The Producers. Do not continue reading if you have a weak stomach or a low threshold for pain...

Still sore from a leaps and turns class I took the previous day (in a class of 4 people guess who was standing right next to me..... S!! You can guess how awesome the rest of the class was for me), my flexibility was not at all what it should have been and these girls have clearly been dancing since they were able to walk. The choreographer flashed through the dance combo because she wanted to see if we could pick it up quickly. It was all good until they split us up into our small groups and covered the mirror.

It seemed like the combination immediately escaped from my head. I kicked when I should have turned. I shuffled when I should have kicked. I was a mess, and all I could do was paste a big huge smile on my face and show them what a trooper I am! We were near the end of the combination and went down into the splits... not ordinarily a problem for me on my right side. About half-way down I hear a huge crack-pop sound and feel a very sharp sensation in my left knee. Needless to say I sat out the rest of the dance call and did not get a callback. I've missed about 7 auditions in the past 2 days because of my sad bum knee- mostly because I don't really want to hobble around New York City alone.

Lesson Learned: Avoid dance calls. I am now officially catagorized as an actor, singer, dancer. C’est la vie!!

~B

Step, Kick, Kick, Leap, Kick, Touch, Again....

It has been three weeks since the move out here to New Yorksey. Three weeks with no gym membership. Three weeks with no dance classes. I have been going crazy.

So yesterday I was in the city by this dance studio I have been wanting to try out for a while. I brought my jazz shoes to an audition (just in case) and thought "what the hell" so I went into the studio ready for a workout.

I went up to the counter to register for this intermediate jazz class. The people behind the desk tell me "there are 2 classes at the same time tonight. Tell me about yourself and I'll tell you which one you should take." Okay, great. I tell them my experience and they tell me I will definitely want to take S's dance class (which I did not realize at the time, was 2 hours long).

So I walk in to S's class where they are already warming up. I kind of get the feeling I'm a little out of place during the warm-ups but I think it's because I'm new to this class and I'm not familiar with their routine. We get to across the floors where he's having us do arabesque, pique turn, reverse step, step, prepare, triple pirouette. Again, arabesque, pique turn, reverse step, step, prepare, triple pirouette. Oh. My. God. THEY ARE PROFESSIONAL DANCERS! I'm feeling completely unprepared (and as an added bonus, of course, I decided to wear my glasses today...) But I stick with it and flop and fall all the way through the across the floor excercises. Phew... water break.

I go up to the teacher to introduce myself and say, "Hi S. I'm sorry, but this doesn't seem like an Intermediate level dance course." His response is "It shouldn't, it's advanced. And I also have an advanced beginner course after this one that can be quite challenging for some" HA! Ouch. I say "well, you are amazing" and walk away to go sit in a corner and cry.

Class is back. Only one hour left in this hell hole of insecurity. We start learning the combination. I'm actually doing a pretty good job of keeping up, even if I am incredibly out of my league.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Most of the combination stayed in my head and body- which is good.
Everytime I did a turn I was afraid my glasses were going to fly off and smack someone in the face- which is not good.

Although I think S was impressed that I stuck it out and gave it my all, I don't think he was very impressed when I walked up to him after class and said "Thank you so much. I'll definitely be back in a year or so when I'm ready for this." Whoops.

Well anyway, I got my workout... Everyone needs to be humbled every now and then, right??

~B

Wait for it...

Everyone hold your breath...

I Finally...

finally...

finally...

GOT A JOB!

After months of performing at a level of crappiness that I didn't even know was possible, someone saw through the awful and decided to offer me a job - - - YES!

Briann and I like to say that I've booked my first national tour. This is true if you believe that national only means Ohio, and if by tour you mean we perform for four days at one venue.

Well, the company calls it a tour anyway. 

The other news about the "tour" is that it is for children...children's theatre. Now, those of you that know me well are already laughing at the awkwardness that my life is about to be engulfed in. You see, I don't exactly love kids. Let's get real, I don't even really like kids and now I'm working for a company that builds in time for the kids to touch me and transmit their germs to me by way of the thinly veiled "autograph singing sessions." 

I thought to myself, "I can do this. It's just 10 minutes after the show, and only the creepy kids will like me since I'm playing the Wicked Stepmother in Cinderella. Okay!" Then I show up for the first day of rehearsal when they drop the bomb. Each cast member will be required to host an hour long teaching session with a group of 40 kids. 

Cold sweat beads start to form on my forehead.

My hands get clammy and numb.

I start to shake and am unable to stop of my own accord.

40 KIDS, BY MYSELF??? I may not have mentioned that I also have a fear of public speaking. You're probably thinking to yourself, "She's an actress - how can she be afraid to speak in front of others?" Well, let's keep in mind that while onstage I am playing a role - almost never myself. I was the kid in class who gave the painful science class presentations with the paper nearly shaking itself out of my hand while I stared at it wondering if it could magically transform me into Oprah because, well, Oprah's awesome and she could definitely give this presentation without feeling like she was going to pee her pants and wanting to die. Please God...Please let me be Oprah for just these 10 minutes of my life, or at least teleport me to Sweden or something.

I leave for Ohio on Tuesday and I'll be packing light.

One pair of jeans.

Two shirts.

Three bottles of wine.

Dear Lord - wish me luck!

 - J